This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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