i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
