Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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