great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I need to align my fucking chakras
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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