If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
