sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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