Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
