it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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