Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
