God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
