Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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