i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
