why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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