absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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