So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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