We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize