If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
