Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
