I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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