It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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