it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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