You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
