She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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