just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
