youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
