I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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