Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
