good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
