I need help removing her.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
