you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
