what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
