i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
