"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just high enough for therapy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
