jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
