I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
