So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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