Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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