i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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