pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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