I wannas sexs uuuuu
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I smell stomach acid.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
