Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
