hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
