my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize