Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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