Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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