I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
