3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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