Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize