oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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