Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
