I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
