I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
