I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize