Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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