Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize