I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
