It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
