i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
