im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
