Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
