M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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