I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
