can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
