I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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