If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
