No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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