i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
