The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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